Jac and I are on the road again.  Work related this time.  Attended NH Vic annual conference. https://www.nhvicconference.com.au/.  It was at Creswick in the RACV Goldfields Resort.  The conference is the second one I attended and it was stimulating, refreshing and so many ideas to take away.

I am not a good conference attender, get bored easily and find it difficult having to socialise with a lot of people I don't know.  So I was very choosy about the sessions I attended.  One of the standouts was https://www.nevozisin.com/ who spoke about their experience of being trans and did it in the most beautiful, inclusive way I have heard.  They have a few books - I would recommend looking them up.  They ended up talking about what is happening in GAZA and how tragic that the world sits quietly by while a clear act of genocide is taking place.

I didn't stay at the Goldfields Resort because it is not dog friendly.  So, first had booked a tiny house in Ballarat, but when I arrived I saw it had a loft bedroom. And it was a very tight loft with not a lot of space to manoeuvre.  So while I could climb the ladder to the loft, there was no way I could manoeuvre myself onto the bed.  The moral of the story is check the pictures because the site did have photos of the loft bed and should have been enough for me to know it would not work.

So had to quickly find other accommodation - and found the most delightful place at Creswick, just 2 minutes from the conference.  Another Tiny House but on one level.  In a garden of a house where the host had two Marina dogs - one crossed with labrador, the other crossed with a border collie.  Both the sweetest, most gentle of dogs.  Jac did quite enjoy having a bit of a mosey around with them, while giving the younger one (18 months old) a clear message that she was beyond playing.

I left her in the car at first at the conference venue - finding a nice shady spot, folding down the back seat so she had plenty of room and water, but the woman at the tiny house suggested I leave her there so I did that the next day.  And she was fine.  She is finding it harder to jump up into the car, it's a bit easier if she jumps not the back but the back seat is getting beyond her.  But she is quite unhappy if I have to lift her up.

She is fifteen, and a little bit deaf, but still loves her walks and zooms around like a crazy dog every now and then on our beach/park walks.

Creswick is a delightful place. Many men with long white beards, women with comfortable clothing, mostly natural materials like linen or cotton.  Good coffee and incredibly friendly people, everybody says hello and lots of smiles.  They have a ukulele group, local choir and Shane the woman who hosts the tiny house tells me they have a women's group that does lunches and winetastings.  I'd even consider retiring here if it wasn't so far from the sea.  Did manage a swim in Lake George just a few minutes out of town.  Jac went in the water and even had little swim, then did her usual sitting patiently at the waters edge while I swam.

Head home tomorrow, lovely way to go back on the ferry from Queenscliff to Sorrento.  It was such a good way to start the trip.

Buruli Ulcers and life

 You know when you hear about some diseases or illnesses and you think oh that sounds hard, but you never think it will happen to you.  So a few weeks ago I got a little red spot on my arm, at first I thought I must have got a splinter because I had been carting wood and stacking it for my fire. But after a couple of weeks it was still there and itchy, not sore but itchy.  So I took myself off to a doctor who suggested a biopsy to check if it was a Buruli ulcer.  Lovely nurse who looked at the spot while doing the biopsy and said oh that's definitely a Buruli, I've seen lots of them, that's one.  After the biopsy, the spot actually felt better it stopped itching, the red seemed to disappear and I figured - that's it, it was just a splinter and it came out when they did the biopsy.  Then, some week and half later I get a call from the doctor telling me yes, it's a Buruli.  here's the photo - looks harmless enough doesn't it?  

All of this while we are in lockdown, experiencing the endless days of not being able to see Em or Bec and the kids, not being able ot meet Annie in Mornington for lunch at the pub, not being able to sit down or a coffee at a cafe after a long walk, or go to the movies if I'm feeling a bit bored.  Sometimes it feels like time is standing still, although I do have my work, can go into work because we have childcare, an essential service.  Have boosted our free food that we get from Oz Harvest each week and put it on a table at the front of the house so people do not have to come inside.  I make sure to say hello to everyone as they fossick through what we have available, get excited when there is meat, or biscuits or sweet treats.  It puts me back in my box, what right have I got to worry...

But for now, I wait for the appointment with a professor who specialises in treatment of the ulcers.  They are, I think caused by a mossie bite, a mossie that has been playing with possum poo, so the local knowledge goes...  My back deck is a playground for possums and mossies thrive around here.  The Buruli is common down here on the Mornington Peninsula and across the bay on the Bellarine Peninsula.  Apparently without treatment, they eat away at your flesh and, if untreated, can get very severe, requiring grafting and plastic surgery.  Treatment is with some really strong antibiotics, have to have a blood test first because they can effect the liver.  The notes attached ot the biopsy result call it a Barinsdale ulcer, which is apparently where it originated from, we seem to be open to viruses and bacteria being imported.  

Now I have this really weird feeling I have this little red spot with a black spot in the middle, it looks like a slightly weird mossie bite.  and I think about this little thing slowly eating away at my flesh underneath, I'm told they can break out and that's when they become an ulcer.  So it's weird, I feel fine, quite well, the spot is not sore, just slightly itchy.  While everyone is obsessed with COVID and avoiding that,  this is a reminder that COVID is not the only thing that effects our health, or ill health for that matter.

Saving grace was seeing native orchids on my afternoon walk

Day 8 since diagnosis (7 - 8 weeks after it first appeared.)

I still have the little red spot, it is still not sore, occasionally itchy.  See the Professor next Thursday who travels over from his practice in Geelong to Sorrento, I hope the ferry is going.   I have a little bit of hope that he will look at it and say 'oh that's not too bad, we can just keep an eye on it and the antibiotics will not be necessary'.  

I am calling the bacteria Bertie, with an image of little chubby boy bacterias eating away at my skin underneath my wrist.  I guess they are just trying to survive, just wish they hadn't chosen my arm to survive in.  Made the mistake of looking up the side effects of the antibiotics, they cause liver problems apparently, if you cry you weep red or orange tears, can make you depressed and worst of all, according to one of the kelpie owners at the beach, they put you off drinking coffee and alcohol, the two mainstays of my day!

Still, I know it's treatable, so if feeling uncomfortable for 8 weeks or so is the price I pay, well, so be it.  Annie came down today with some mossie zappers, very sensible and such a good idea.  They charge with a USB and I'll be able to hang them around the back deck so when I am sitting outside that will protect me from the little bastards.  I am also going on a bit of health kick, read up on the foods good for liver health, bought a juicer so have kale and beetroot smoothies - not too bad with a bit of honey and some strawberries or apple thrown in.  Also trying not to eat too much fatty foods, no butter for instance, have found an alternative, remembered from staying with a friend in Spain, rubbing a cut tomato on toast, and then adding whatever I'm having, luckily Avocado is good for the liver apparently so that is a good combination.  He used to add garlic, another liver friendly food, which I do sometimes too.  Still have a wine each night, helps me relax and not think about it so much.  

Saving grace: walking in the windy weather along the cliff tops at Bridgewater Bay, cleared the head.

Day 14

Todays the day I have the appointment with the 'Professor'.  And Victoria recorded it's highest ever numbers of COVID cases - a jump of nearly 600 from yesterday, which has shaken me a bit.  Usually I am the eternal optimist but today I just feel the doom and gloom.  Want to run away from it all, from the complications with families, from the worry about the treatment for these stupid little Bertie Bacteria and from COVID.  And I can see that the little Berties are breaking out a bit, the skin is peeling back from the red dot and it has started to ooze just a tiny bit.  

So I will go for a walk, I will go and talk to a friend, I will remind myself of all the things that I can be grateful for and then I will have my appointment with the Professor.  Lockdown eased a bit this week and we can now travel 10kms, not enough to get me to Brunswick or to Seaford but can get to Sorrento.

'linear time is a construct we invented to make sense of a formless existence' a quote from someone reading a story on the radio, Ftizroy Diaries.  It seems an appropriate phrase to describe the strange stretched out time we have over lockdown.  Last night was the first time I felt that stretching out.  It was windy so I did not want to go outside, and for a very short moment was at a loss what to do.  Did make myself a yummy dinner, read a book for a little while, then joined in the virtual choir, the Solidarity Singers we have started to support our Labor candidate down here, which was a tad uplifting.

Day 22

So I had the appointment with the professor.  Lovely man, gentle, doesn't talk down.  Went through all the options for treatment, cutting it out -  but would be quite extensive and require plastic surgery, antibiotics with the potential complications or a combination of antibiotics and see how they go and then it might rehires just a small excision.  Even talked about alternative therapies though made the comment that he had not seen any that were successful.  Warned me that those pesky bacteria might blow out into a proper ulcer but that would be like a last gasp of them fighting to survive.

There was a man in the surgery who looked very at home and I gathered form his conversations with the nurses and others in the surgery that he had experienced the ulcer a number of times, though apparently if not treated properly it can come back.

I opted for the antibiotics, although according to the professor I should only need there for 4 weeks, ugh ..  no alcohol for 4 weeks.... That's because I picked it up quite quickly.  So far so good, yes my urine turns red but not all the time (something he warned me about).  I get a little tired, one good walk with Jac and I am ready to stop for the day and my brain feels a little foggy.  But so far, none of the other probable side effects: nausea, loss of appetite, metallic taste, none of those, just the tiredness and the fogginess.  And so far no sign of the severe side effects: liver inflammation, jaundice, palpitations, agitation, depression or anxiety, fever, rash .... I have been taking probiotics, in tablet form, yoghurt, fermented cabbage and beetroot, but generally feeling surprisingly well.  And the berties have not decided to erupt, if anything I think the spot has got smaller... And I can still enjoy my coffee so life is not too bad.

Day 36

The antibiotics continue to be surprisingly uneventful, I have had bouts of tiredness, or lethargy would perhaps be a better way to describe it.  In the afternoon I am overcome by just a general listlessness.  Jac has found it pretty hard because we don't do many long walks.  I get through the morning walk and go to work but by the time I have finished work about 3.00pm I am exhausted so go home. But none of the other bad side effects, no nausea, diarrhoea, depression.  The last couple of days I have felt like absolute crap, no energy at all, just generally off colour, but it seems to have passed today. I've been back to see the delightful professor, who bulk bills by the way!  He said I may never know how I got it because it the bacteria often sit in the body for months before there are any signs at all.  He asked if I use gloves when I garden, which I generally don't and he said ' ah neither do I though I do recommend it'.  The links that have been identified are mosquitos, ti trees and possums, all of which I have in spades.  I've now had just over 2 weeks with no alcohol which has been surprisingly easy.  Just under 2 weeks to go, the end is near.  All against a background of COVID cases in Victoria increasing, getting above 2,000 twice this week.  But still we have an end to lockdown in sight.

14 Days in Quarantine Day 2 - 7

 The excitement this morning was the Woolworths delivery.  I asked for it between 6.00am and 9.00am.  Got a text at 7.00 to say they were on the way.  Then another at 7.30 saying I was next.  Lovely man arrived with a trolley and the groceries and placed them on the doorstep.  Simple process hey.  

Then Jenny arrived with a frozen chickpea curry which I accepted with gratitude, I do love a chickpea curry and knowing I have a meal that I don't have to think about is handy.  Did the dance on the driveway again.  Fay came with a fresh chicken so I can cook some for Jac, I'll cook that this afternoon.  Realise that I do need to be organised.  Planned to make some beetroot relish but realise I don't have enough vinegar.  Do I ask someone to buy it for me or maybe put in another order with Woolworths?  I'll worry about it tomorrow, by then might realise there is something else I need.

Hung out today's washing, so much easier to get to the clothesline now and found 3 pumpkins growing on the vine and another 2 passionfruit.  It's those little things that can be exciting, knowing that something I planted from seed is actually producing, even if it is taking over the back garden. Mind you when I planted the pumpkin seed I though they were zucchinis, so I have no zucchinis and tow very prolific pumpkins.   The passionfruit I was despairing of as it had flowers but something kept eating the flowers, however obviously these three and one more that is still half flower, half fruit is making it.

Now cooking the beetroot - can put in fridge while I make the decision about the vinegar and doing the capsicum with red onions so I can use it in whatever I cook or on a slice of bread.  Have a lot of eggs that have been left by various visitors so thought I might make a cheesecake.  Weather getting a bit cooler now so putting the oven on should be fine, though it might be better to make that an evening project rather than using up time when I could be out in the garden.

Tea in the front yard again, wave to the neighbours across the road, they are friendly but don't actually initiate contact, if I say hello or start a conversation they are fine but don't initiate it themselves.  Same with the young couple next door, friendly enough if I start a conversation, but don't initiate anything.  Do like having young children next door, there is something quite comforting about hearing the sounds of children playing in the yard.   

Wrote a letter to the Weekly Times in response to another one on climate change, I don't have much luck with getting climate change letters published although I do when it's around coronavirus, almost 100% hit rate.

Had my Covid test, doesn't matter how many I have I still linch - they are most unpleasant.

Day 7

Result of test was negative.   So far so good, I feel like I am having an enforced rest and luckily the weather has been a bit cool so don't feel the need to breakout and go for a swim.  Our Dan is talking about making most of Sydney an orange zone and if they do that I presume I will be able to finish quarantine as that only requires isolating until you get a negative test result and I already have that.

Been making bread each day, experimenting a bit with different things - yesterday made rolls and put yogurt in the mix and they were lovely and light.  Also made a cheesecake but realise now i had the temperature too high so it got a little burt but still tastes good.  Will have ot order more cheese and eggs so I can try it again.

Lots of weeding and tidying up the garden which has been good and getting rid of rubbish.  Next challenge is back ot my clothes - I really have many more bits than I need and it just takes up space, as well as getting rid of all those little jars that have had candles in them, hold on to them because I think I might do something with them and, of course, I never do.

Jac has been picked up by Fay a couple of times now, bribe her to get into the car with treat.  However Fay said the second time she walked a short distance and then just stopped and would not walk any further.  Have found she will chase her squeaky ball so I throw it up the driveway and she enjoys that for a little while and then stops.  But it's running up hill so good exercise for her.  I'm definitely not getting my steps in - not good at repetition - like walking up and down the driveway, it's boring and I cannot motivate myself to do it for very long.

Did make the beetroot relish, got another Woolies delivery, at least they use compostable bags.

Have found listening to audible books has been good, I can have it going in the backyard while I am working in the garden or cooking.  Just finished Infinite Splendours and enjoyed it.  Now listening to a crime novel by Chris Hammer called Scrublands, it's quite engrossing, can't wait to hear what happens next.

Day 8 and final day

So today Vic changed the zone of most of Sydney to an orange zone and then I got the text from DHHS saying I no longer needed to quarantine because of the change of zones.  Feel a bit cheated!  Had psyched myself in to 14 days of not being able to do much at all and now I have no excuse.  Still at least I can walk Jac myself, and go for a swim, weather's getting warmer so I'll enjoy that.  

A boring post - not travelling with Jac or 14 days in quarantine Day 1

Day 1.  Yes I went to Sydney, yes I knew before I arrived that there had been new community transmission.  Might I say, apparently arising from hotel quarantine, and how it has happened has still not been explained.  Yet the media are not going after the Premier there the way they went after Dan Andrews.  Anyway, it meant that Victoria closed its borders to NSW and I had to apply for an exemption to be allowed to come back to my little haven near the sea.  A condition of the exemption is that I quarantine for 14 days at home.  So this is day 1 of the quarantine.  And that is what this post is about - how I pass the time in quarantine.

On the way home I listened to an audible book - Sophie Laguna's Infinite Splendours, confronting in part, but captured the romance of an artist with the Grampians, much discussion about light and colours and shapes of mountains.  Thought how a solid grounding in place and connection to the surroundings supports mental health but also can act as a prison.  Mused about the way in which driving through Australian countryside gives you such a strong sense of space and size.  The wide blue skies continually opening up in front of you, the rolling hills dotted with trees.  The hills look like a yellow velour blanket has been draped over them with the yellowing of the grasses over summer.  Was conscious of need to maintain isolation while travelling so used the trusty old canister gas stove to make my coffee by the shores Lake Nillahcootie between Benalla and Mansfield.  Even had a quick dip in the lake as I know I won't be able to have a swim for a little while.  A few people around but large enough area to keep well away from them.  

Yesterday I arrived in the afternoon, was tired from the trip so really did not do much, sorted out the fridge to find lots of beer left from one of Beci's friends so thought I should not let it go to waste and sat on the deck and drank two cans.  Don't feel under any pressure to unpack the car as I've got plenty of time, but I did bring in the shopping I had done in Albury where I stopped overnight before crossing the border.  I walked around the garden, mostly everything looks reasonably healthy although the Mexican cucumber I planted has not grown at all, well it might have one more leaf than it had 4 weeks ago.  Tomatoes are going gang busters with quite a bit of fruit but still mostly green, two roma tomatoes that were reddish so I picked them.  Today - which is really day 1, I had an outing, a trip to the respiratory clinic for my Covid test, reminded me of how busy this place is now that they have allowed campers back along the foreshore.  The trip that should usually take 10 minutes took 20. My fourth COVID test - had to have one to apply for the exemption then another one now I am back.  I do feel sorry for the people doing the tests as, no matter how much I try to psych myself into it, I still flinch at the nasal probe.  Nurse told me that she had a client actually slipped off the chair trying to lean back to get away from it. .   Now waiting for the result.    Changed the linen on the bed yesterday and washed the old linen today and hung it out.  It was a warm day so it dried and I could bring it back in later with that lovely smell of sunshine on the sheets.

I ventured into the garden, tried to get the tomatoes under control so they are not falling everywhere, attempted to check out the pumpkin but it is now taking over half the backyard and I did not have the energy to follow it.  Pulled out some of the native geranium which goes crazy, grows over everything. 

There have been a few people staying here while I was away my niece, my grandson and some mates, then my daughter and family with some friends, so spent a bit of the day finding where different things had been put away - the coloured glasses in the wrong place, the teapot in a cupboard when everyone surely knows to leave the teapot on the bench.  A friend rang to ask if I wanted anything so picked up  milk for me so I can make some yogurt and we did a little dance around the driveway while she put what she had bought on the grass and then moved away so I could pick it up.  She has offered to take Jac with her dog to a park where I walk Jac with other dogs.  That will be interesting as Jac often won't go with others when I am home, we will see tomorrow.

Back to the garden, thought I would make a point of sitting out the front each day so I can at least see people passing by, but when I made a lovely cuppa and went to sit out there all I could see was the weeds waiting to be pulled out.  Which I started to do, but no rush can do it tomorrow.  Found a couple of cucumbers hiding where the cucumber vine had grown under one of the unruly tomato plants,  Picked them, some rocket - rocket is indestructible like the native geranium, carrots - now that was a discovery - found that carrots have quite beautiful flowers if left to go to seed.  But still managed to pick 3 good carrots and picked the flowers to put in a vase.

Noticed when I was hanging out the sheets that one of the ti trees has fallen a bit more while I was away - I love the way ti trees fall, none of this showy crashing to the ground, just a gentle 'oh I'm a bit tired of standing so tall', and just gradually sinking down ever lower.  So got out my little saw and cut off enough of the branches to get to the clothes line.

Made a loaf of bread in the air fryer - love that, makes a small enough loaf that is all I need so that will do me for a day or two.  The exciting thing was getting onto the Woolies delivery - did try IGA but they don't deliver in this area.  Trawling through the Woolies list and put in an order which gets delivered tomorrow morning.  I am though a visual shopper - I like to look at what I am buying.  Discover they sell potatoes end tomatoes by the piece - so you can get 2 tomatoes and 2 potatoes for instance.  How weird is that - what happened to good old kilograms.

I should make a list, I should plan for what I am going to do.  Instead I have a jumble of ideas in my head - to only eat the bread I bake, to weed the gardens, to read and, importantly (thank you Em) to record what I read on Good Reads so I can look back and be reminded and not start a book I have already read unless I choose to.  Make some beetroot chutney and cook up some capsicums with onion and oil.  Challenge is the exercise, today I only accumulated just over 5,000 steps so need to work on that.  And Jac and walking, we will see.

Rice salad with red cabbage and garden harvest for dinner with some tuna.  Now it's bath time - one bonus of being home is my bath - I love the shape, I love sliding into it, I love lighting candles and losing myself in it.  

Dealing with COVID away from home and the occasional aches and pains.

Over the years I have had aches and pains, osteoarthritis in both knees, just like my mum, one of them led to a knee replacement, the other I continue doggedly on.  I can walk reasonable distances, generally manage my 10,000 steps a day at least.  Walking is a favourite past time, but at the moment the body is catching up with me.  I'd love to walk to Rushcutters Bay from here then walk around the bay.  But Jac won't do it anymore and now my foot is giving me problems.  Dr Google suggests it is most likely arthritis in my foot.  What's the remedy? It's continuing to exercise, but when I walk, particularly at first, it's painful.

So my body says no, don't, stop.  Just sit and vegetate but my mind says no! Go.  I take most note of the mind, but sometimes it just gets a bit wearing.  Sometimes I want to just walk and be pain-free, not have to think about how I put my foot on the ground, not have to take care how I walk.  Not have to stretch carefully and exercise the foot before I walk.  I just want to go.  In my mind I could walk to Melbourne and back, seems such a romantic thing to do.  In my mind I can walk everywhere, but then when I start, the reality seeps in.

It is not necessarily age, though that's the convenient explanation.  I know women in their 70s who are still incredibly fit, who walk long distances without thinking.  I know other women in their 70s who can only walk short distances, because of their hearts, or their bodies or other things.  However my aches do seem to get worse with age.  I am reminded of an interview with Diana Steel - her of Avengers fame, saying in an interview, 'nobody tells you that getting old hurts'. I don't feel 70, I don't want to feel 70, I don't want to stop walking, or exploring.  I want to stay in touch with what's around me, to walk for kilometres along the beach or in the bush.  To stop and listen to the birds, to get a glimpse of an echidna waddling along.  I don't mind getting old, but I do want to do it in good health, I want to not curtail what I do or how I do it. 

Hey, I know I'm lucky, I've enjoyed reasonably good health all my life despite the abuse I have heaped on my body.  I live near the beach and can walk and swim, that I love doing.  Just like we did yesterday at Clovelly beach.

However now there is also an underlying anxiety, partly caused by COVID19 and the outbreak here which grows, by small numbers in comparison to other countries, but is still growing each day, so each day the possibility of me returning to my quiet little shack is diminishing.   It's not a fancy house or luxurious, (I only have one toilet for heavens sake) but it is the little haven I have created since Erwin died and leaving Kew East behind.  I can just picture sitting on the deck and listening to and watching the little spotted dove that very cautiously comes to eat the seed in the bird tray, watching the wattle birds hang upside down while getting the nectar from the grevillea, listening to the sweet call of the little silvereyes and the Eastern Spinebill fluttering its wings while it flits around the purple flowers.  And, in the evening, the strings of the solar lights I have throughout the garden lighting up,  being able to light the fire when it is cold and having a soak in my lovely long bath.  

Here we do get the magpies that visit demanding to be fed a few times each day, and I love them.  Yesterday on my walk in Centennial Park I discovered the Flying Fox colony.  Thousands of the noisy little buggers hanging upside down in the melaleucas, having the occasional squabble with each other when they try to find a more comfortable spot to hang, stretching their wings out like a dog having a stretch when they change position.  

And to day is New Years Eve, the nagging question what will the numbers bring today in both states?  How will the NYE gatherings impact on the spread of the virus?  What will I do if I can't get home, if my plan to travel around country NSW for 14 days so I can apply for a permit is thwarted by one of the places I visit becoming a red zone or Vic closing its borders to all of NSW?  What if?  What if?

And all the time an underlying sadness.  Yesterday the interning of Sean's ashes and a very fitting wake in Watson's bay where we drank cocktails and ate so much seafood I don't need to see another oyster for a few days at least.  A beautiful spot for his ashes on the cliffs of the harbour, very sadly next to his mum and his brother.  This family has dealt with so much grief over the last few years, it is always there under the surface, ready to erupt in all sorts of ways. And right next to the spot where the ashes now lie was this most amazing orb spider, a beautiful little thing with golden stripes and the most intricate webs, apparently they are called St Andrews Cross spiders because of the thick white cross they weave into their webs to attract insects.

We had a discussion about death last night and the trauma created by sudden death.  All of the people I have loved who died, apart from Sean, took time in their dying.  My niece, my Dad, our good friends Andy,  Dorothy and Jean, my Mum and Erwin.  We knew they were dying, there was a chance for the people that loved them to say goodbye, to start the grieving process, but when the death is sudden, what accompanies the grief is trauma.  Particularly if you are there at the dying, the trauma of that moment is so real.  One day they are there and functioning and doing the normal things like watching television or eating or arguing. The next minute they are not.  The mind sometimes finds it hard to understand, to comprehend that they will not be back, that they are no longer here.  I do remember my Mum dying after lying in a hospital bed for 8 days, 8 days of not knowing whether the next breath would be her last, 8 days of people coming to say goodbye, to tell stories, to remember her and be reminded of their love for her.  But even after 8 days when the last breath was taken, I was not ready, it still felt too soon.  But I had the time to adjust to know that the end was coming, so prepare in some way for it, how much harder is it when you don't have that.  

It's good to have the times to remember, to reminiscence, to be reminded of the good things and the bad things you shared.  To be reminded that they were a presence, that they were part of your life.  In a way it's what I miss most about not having contact with Erwin's kids, it's that opportunity to share memories to tell the stories of a shared history.

But life goes on, and we keep on living and learning and find things that give us joy, like magpies visiting. And we are lucky here in Australia, while I can be anxious about the numbers, compared to other countries we are doing so incredibly well. I was aware of that in writing to a friend in France, about watching the numbers.  18 yesterday here, compared to thousands in Europe.  So whatever happens I know I will manage and find things to enjoy, I'll eat good food and enjoy what's around me, whether I am here with Em or meandering back to Victoria, the sun will continue to shine.

Exile in Sydney 1

 Do you ever think that things are loaded against you?  In these covid times it seems quite reasonable.  Jac and I are on the road again - this time to visit Em for Christmas.  The plan was the whole family would travel to Sydney so we could have Christmas with Em and Sean's family.   And what happens - a COVID outbreak in Sydney, which means that we may not be able to get back to Victoria without 14 days quarantine.  For me that's not a huge issue, I can just hang around in Sydney until the border opens.  But for Bec and family the implications are much more serious - not being able to work, manage the business etc etc.  

On the way I stopped in Albury at a comfortable and very dog friendly Air B'nB in East Albury.  Last time I was in Albury I was aiming to beat the border closure the other way - NSW closing their border to Victoria.  Now it's the other way around.  Understandable given the work that Victorians put in to achieve where we are at now, but does throw the Christmas plans into disarray. I had booked for two nights thinking I would explore NE Victoria, which I did after applying for and receiving a permit to cross the border. Was reminded of the joys of Albury, going to a local farmers market and a walk along the Murray through wetlands.

This time Lake Hume was full.  I cannot remember ever seeing that.  So swam in the lake, which, when full, apparently has more water than Sydney Harbour.  Lots of little inlets and nooks to explore.  The weather was perfect, so started off at Lake Hume Village resort, then crossed the architectural marvel of Bethanga Bridge, a steel truss bridge that is almost a kilometre long, no longer the rattling wooden boards I remember from my childhood, but a quiet surface on it now.  Stopped in Bellbridge for another swim, then headed off to Bethanga.  This was very much revisiting the roads and landscapes of the time we lived lived in Tallangatta and witnessed houses being put on trucks and carted to the new town as the old one was going to be flooded. The familiarity of the road and the dry yellow hills dotted with gum trees was comforting. 

Seemed sunset over the dam would be worthwhile.  Most of the places around Bellbridge were still populated by boats and people picnicking on the shores.  But found a beautiful little inlet a bit out of town where there were no other people and so many birds: rosellas, cockatoos, swallows darting about over the water and, of course, pelicans.  Jac and I had a lovely quiet time watching the colours change, the suns reflections in the water and the occasional fish leaping out.  I think Jac was just happy that we weren't going on yet another long walk.  

Then a stopover in Canberra to see friends, always good to connect again and know that those friendships are sustained over time even when we don't see each other often.  And now I'm in Sydney, and it's so good to be here.  It won't be the Christmas we planned but somehow that seems fitting for the year that we have had which has taken away the idea of certainty or the benefits of planning.   It's the first Christmas without Sean, a big thing to get through, the pain and grief continually just below the surface.

The doggies watching fro Em getting home

Do love being here, apart from Emily's company, the walks along the windy streets and lanes, the old terrace houses, some big and grand, some so narrow you wonder at the size of the rooms, and some just comfortably spacious.  The footpaths with the gardens, big old trees, weedy little plots and carefully cultivated plants.  Frangipani and Bouganvillea petals falling on the footpath, little cul de sacs, coffee and bars everywhere.  In the evening went to the movies, first time for at least a year, to see The Rams starring Sam Neill.  I was the only person in the cinema so social distancing not really a problem.  On the walk home the sky put on a stunning show of colour. 

Lots of options for walks with Jac, through the streets and Lanes, a drive down to Rushcutters Bay or Centennial Park to have a paddle and a roll in the grass.  The dogs are all quite comfortable with each other now, so it's all very relaxed. 

Discovering the Hawkesbury River

A new experience this time, travelling with Em and Jac.  Both my daughters work incredibly hard, both of them at work they mostly love but that constant being in demand, being responsible, can take a toll.  Good then to plan a short break with Em while I'm in Sydney, her first since going into lockdown. Just one night so we didn't want to travel too far.  Em decided to leave her doxies at home but we took Jac.

We chose Dangar Island, found an Air BnB, Very Special Place Dangar Island and headed off, with Em driving so a bit of a break for me.  If we went the most direct way it would be about 1.5 hours from Sydney.  We did not.  Chose to head to Berowra Waters Fish Cafe for lunch.  Once we got out of the worst of the Sydney traffic the drive was delightful.  Through mildly windy and tree lined roads and coming out at a tributary of the Hawkesbury River.  Short walk along the river, past small jetties with so many boats around, tree lined hills and fish and chips on the deck on the water.  The cafe is a fish and chips place but the chips were good and the fish (whiting) was moist with a light crisp batter.

Next to the cafe is a river crossing by what I would call a punt, but here they called it a ferry.  A flat barge with a cable that takes cars across the water - for an interesting read about car crossings see Our Rivers, Our History.  Em was a little nervous at first as it was her first time crossing the river on a punt, but it is very straightforward, if a little disconcerting when the punt takes off and creaks its way over the water.  

Then on to another windy, narrow tree and rock lined road, with occasional views of the river and the valleys.  But after ten minutes or so, into suburbia again, built up areas, lots of houses.  Em explained that throughout the suburbs of Sydney there are National Parks and state reserves so you can be minutes away from what is a hugely built up area and you are in the middle of natural bush.  Now I understand one of the joys of living in Sydney. As well as the harbour, in a very short time you can be at wild ocean beaches or immerse yourself in a National Park.  Short drive to Brooklyn and we were at the public wharf where the ferry was waiting

All prepared for pandemic with sitting spots at appropriate distances marked on the bench seats and a limit on the number of passengers, luckily, despite a bunch of primary school aged kids, they were under the passenger limit.  Poor old Jac had to wear a muzzle - one of the conditions for dogs being allowed on the ferry.  The sun was shining and it was a perfect day for it.  The island is a 15 minute trip, there are no cars on the island except for one or two with permits for safety purposes, it's boast is it's the only Sydney suburb where cars are not allowed.  Lined up near the ferry wharf are a bunch of wheelbarrows which the 300 or so people who live on the island use to cart their goods around.  Ann, the host met us near the ferry and it was a short walk to our residence for the night.   

The house is actually the last bit remaining of the original house built on the island by Henry Dangar, a surveyor with a checked history but who was successful in gaining licences for he and his brother to settle  land all the way up to Armidale as well as buy the island and rename it after himself.  Lots of history about that and him using the island to store the equipment while a nearby railway bridge was built, but again very little about the traditional owners who came to the island seasonally.

The key thing that stood out apart from the vast expanse of water, was birds, birds birds and more birds.  From the Pelican we saw catching a fish as we got on the ferry to Lorikeets, Galahs, Cockatoos, Kookaburras, Butcher Birds, Herons, Oyster Catchers and little swallows flitting around near the 'beach'.  There is not a lot of activity on the island apart from walking and then only two reasonably short walks (15minutes to the beach and maybe up to 45 around the top of the island) but a whole different world.  

Our host Ann Howard was a wealth of knowledge, having lived on the island for 47 years and written extensively about its history as well as publishing lots of other books including some about women in wartime.  The house itself was a bit like a museum with some original furniture, the original ceiling and walls in the main area and Ann's extensive food garden where some of our brunch the next day was sourced from.  The only downside was Ann did not like people being in her kitchen so we could not help ourselves to a cup of tea or make a coffee or snack which I found a bit disconcerting.   She had some lovely touches like providing a sheepskin for Jac which Jac actually loved, so might consider getting one for her at home.  Would go well in front of the fire.   

Following Ann's suggestion we went for the short walk to the beach, the river is so big and wide, I can't think of anything like it in Victoria except maybe up around Lakes Entrance.  It's immense, the water was so still and one end of the the beach is rocky and covered in open oyster shells (a midden perhaps).  Had wine on the verandah watching the birds, including very curious Lorikeets who came for a gander at us until Jac barked and off they went.   

We had decided to eat in the only choice for eating out, the Dangar Island Bowling Club which was a 2 minute walk from the house.  Had Jac with us so sat on the veranda with a very welcome heater as it was just a tad nippy.  Menu was mainly burgers, with vegetarian options, but a good wine list and an incredibly helpful sole waitress.  Best to book if you go there as it is a very small place and a group of young people who had booked a house there to celebrate a birthday arrived without a booking 15 minutes before the end of the 'dinnertime' and the kitchen had closed.  They did scrape together something for them so they did not go hungry but choices were extremely limited.  It was actually good to see them because, in the dark of night, being so cut off by being on an island and realising we clearly stood out as outsiders, it felt for a short time, a little creepy, like maybe you could be imprisoned by a cult or somehow cast into the wilderness for breaking some unwritten rules.  That group made the place feel a little more normal and it was actually very welcoming and felt quite safe.   A few of the locals who were of course, taken in by Jac, sitting quietly with us, said hello.  

We stopped on the walk back to look up at the clear night sky and enjoy the stars.  My bed was a water bed, shades of the 70s!  I found it a little disconcerting every time I moved though it was generally comfortable and warm.  I had a door out to the verandah, so it was easy to let Jac out for a wander and there was a good, deep bath for me to enjoy.  

Next day had a most sumptuous brunch, prepared by Ann. Sitting on the verandah overlooking the water, watching the mist slowly rise over the water and surrounding mountains, and the ferry putter in and out again was pretty remarkable.   There's a small cafe/grocery/art gallery down at the ferry, so we had coffee after brunch, Em walked up the hill while I sat around at the cafe and then the ferry back to Brooklyn to pick up the car.

I had researched a walk to stop at on the way home to try the walk to Bujwa Bay from Cowan, however when we found it, there was a steep and rocky descent down to the Bay (on the river) so we just walked a short way in to a place where we could sit on the rocks and look out at a view of the river winding through bushy hills.  Just in that very short distance there were so many different wildflowers, Happy Wanderer winding through the bushes, a beautiful plant with small pink flowers, from a distance I thought it was heath but it was a bit more orchid like up close, Wattle, Flannel Flowers, old Banksia trees and a range of different eucalypts.  As we walked back to the car through an oval, some Oystercatchers were dive bombing Jac and we noticed they had chicks wandering around the oval so tried to get past there as soon as possible so as to alleviate their anxiety.  Jac was not perturbed at all by the dive bombing.    

My verdict on the trip was it was a great thing to do.  apart from enjoying travelling with Em, something about being on an island with no cars and  just one quite basic place to eat felt like a real escape from the City madness.  The whole area around the Hawkesbury was a discovery for me and I plan to go back and explore it more.  The abundance of National Parks and Reserves so close to the city was an eye opener and there is a long walk one can do through the connected National Parks.  Couple that with the harbour and ocean pools, Sydney I could learn to love you!

letting sleeping dogs lie

Some people have complained about not having enough pictures of Jac on the blog.  My problem is she sleeps so much of the time and because she is mainly black and camera shy it's pretty hard to get a decent photo of her.

Yes she's active when we are out walking as long as I don't go too far then she gets a little slow.  But as soon as we stop she will find a place to sleep the time away.  Some times when we are walking I get the distinct impression she is saying to me, let's go somewhere I can lie down.  As soon as I stop anywhere she lies down.  Or she tries to convince people to pat her then leans against their legs once they start.

So there you are, I will endeavour to get more photos of her, even try for one where she's looking active.  But don't hold your breath.

Moving around NSW

Yep I'm still in NSW.  Don't really see the purpose of racing home to lockdown.  It's been hard listening to the growing numbers and feeling a bit guilty about not being there.  Have to say I have loved being at Em's.  Getting to cook for her and Joe has been fun and have been trawling through the old Women's Weekly Cookbook for inspiration.  It's interesting to recognise how limited the ingredients are that were used 40 years ago.  Also get to feed the maggies when they come begging and Em is at work. Em and I both enjoy our own space so Jac and I headed off to visit a friend in Armidale to give each other a break.

Morpeth street and sunset from main street

Headed off down the Pacific Motorway having booked a cottage in Morpeth for a night to stop along the way to Armidale.  Interesting little town, sort of like a mini Daylesford, good wine store, not surprising given we are in the Hunter Valley, it's about 2 1/2 hours out of Sydney.  Trying a new wine tonight to go with my Indian curry from the place next door to where I stayed, The Loft in the Surgeon's Cottage.  Shiraz Tempranillo, my two favourite wines together - Phoenix from Pokolbin Estate eminently drinkable, smooth dry and full bodied.  The cottage is very comfortable, in an old stone building, set in a rustic and green courtyard, and love that they have a teapot and looseleaf tea.  Morpeth also has a great pub, the Commericial with a microbrewery so I tried one of their beers sitting at a table on the street.  Was very aware of people not wearing masks and not appearing to socially distance, particularly in the pub where people, mainly men, were congregating in large groups.  Jac made herself very comfortable in the cottage.

From Morpeth I drove to Armidale on the rather intriguingly named Thunderbolts Way.  The road was named after a bushranger, a man who was known for stealing horses but 'only the best'.  That man, Frederic Ward, has that road named after him, Thunderbolt's Rock where he is reputed to have had a hiding place, a statue in Uralla, and his grave is marked with a biscuit tin where visitors leave etters for him.  His bush ranging career lasted 6 years.  6 years and he has all of that, whereas the Aboriginal people who lived on that land for tens of thousands of years, who were massacred and driven off their lands are hardly acknowledged.  There is a tourist map of Thunderbolt's Way which has all the information above, yet I found it hard to pick up anything which had the history of the traditional owners.  By looking at local Government websites I discovered the names of the traditional owners in the stretch between Walcha and Gloucester. I think they were Dangaddi, Worimi and Biripi.  I apologise if I have got any of that wrong or left out any, but it is hard to find that information.  But a bushranger, a criminal who was connected to that area for 6 years and has his story told and celebrated.

The drive itself was good, a large part of the road follows the Nowendoc river. Stopped for a break at Bretti Reserve, a peaceful little free camping area along the river, had a chat to the only couple camping there who told me about Pilligap and the area where there are several artesian springs.  Plan now to come back and do a round trip of all the artesian springs, sounds like heaven.  My friend was just a kilometre from the main centre of Armidale, a town developed by the squatocracy which apparently still has vestiges of the power of those original squatters.  Explored her property, picked veggies from the garden for dinner, had a fire outside then another inside, drank some good Hunter Valley wine and had a relaxing night.  Next morning we went to one of the many spectacular gorges around Armidale to look at the Wollombimbi Falls.  Poor Jac had to stay in the car as it was a National Park.  The area was devastated by bushfires earlier in the year but they have rebuilt a most magnificent viewing platform and refreshed the paths and amenities.   

Decided to head back along Thunderbolt's Way, stopping at another river side camping area and stayed in Morpeth again overnight.  Didn't want to just stay on the Motorway to get back so thought I'd try the Pacific Highway - don't, it was stop and start all the way and many built up areas, though I did take a few side trips.  One to Caves Beach a long stretch of beach which apparently has caves at one end but not at the dog friendly end.  Wild surf and sand had streaks of black, lots of erosion of the sand dunes.  

We had a long walk then back to the Highway with another stop at Chittaway Bay.  The bay is on Lake Macquarie, apparently one of the largest saltwater lakes in Australia.  It felt fairly rundown but got a piece of battered fish to eat and sat on a wharf on the Lake.  And along came a pelican, swimming up close and looked like she was hanging around for a feed. Took some of the batter off the fish and threw it to her, she caught it in her beak, clacked clacked with her beak to get it down and then patiently waited for more.  Jac was completely oblivious, although the pelican would move a bit away when she started walking around.  As Em said, I fed a pelican junk food.  Then got back in the motorway and headed home to Sydney, braving the Sydney traffic.   Some of Sean's extended family were there for dinner and cards and  helped try the sparkling fortified wine which was also from the Hunter Valley and was delicious. 

Footnote: 

Overheard conversation at one of the art gallery/come cafe I went to.  'Victoria is in a bit of a mess' 'Yes its because of the hotel guards who fraternised with the returning travellers' 'mm I think he Premier is Dan Andrews - is he Labor or Liberal?'  'Labor I think' 'Oh well that explains it' ....  Despite that have not had one person recoiling from me in horror when I have told them I am from Melbourne or the Mornington Peninsula.   

On the road again, escape from Victoria

 I've been planning to visit Em, my daughter in Sydney once restrictions eased.  We'd planned it for a time when she was not too busy with work.  We'd planned an overnight stay on the Hawkesbury and I was quite excited about it.  And then, Monday morning Dan Andrews gives a press conference, the borders with NSW will be closed from Midnight on Tuesday.  And all of Greater Melbourne is declared a hotspot.  Despite the Mornington Peninsula being over 100 kilometres from Melbourne, despite having no new cases there for weeks, suddenly I was in a hotspot.  

Don't get me wrong, I fully support what the Victorian Government is doing.  The numbers are so high, it is important to get on top of that and strong restrictions are needed to do it.  I consulted with the family and got messages like just get in the car and go.

I have been isolating anyway pretty much, not going out, had a couple of solo visitors to my place, but with physical distancing.  Biggest event for me was a visit from Beci and Raph and a walk along the beach with them. I tried to get a Covid test at our local respiratory clinic but was told because I had no symptoms, the answer was no.  So I chucked what I needed in the car,  booked a dog friendly motel in Albury and hit the road.  Unusually for me I did not stop, one short roadside stop for Jack to have a pee and short walk and that was it.  I wanted to make sure I could cross that border.  Friends and family were watching this unfold via Facebook messages. I did feel a bit like a fugitive with images of police cars with flashing lights chasing me down the highway. 

Arrived just before sunset, no police cars in sight, no cries of shock when I told the manager I was from Melbourne.  The  Classic Motor Inn was quite comfortable and welcoming with a manager who was so helpful with tips about takeaway food and where to walk Jac.  Recommend it although it was full with travellers so just a bit noisy, and apparently most of the other guests were last minute bookings mainly from Victoria.   Took Jac for a walk in the dark then went back to organise dinner. She sulks a bit when we first start travelling and won't eat the food that I so painstakingly cook for her and this time was no exception.  Then I received this text message:

I did feel like the CV Monster was following me.  Luckily on arrival in Sydney I was able to book in for a test straight away.  Still awaiting results and being sensible about what I do while I am here until I get the results although I have no reason to believe I could have contracted the virus given I've been pretty much living like a hermit.

Was a foggy foggy morning in Albury but took Jac for a good walk in the fog, something quite peaceful about walking in a misty landscape.  Rang a friend to arrange to meet her in Canberra but she was leaving for Ballarat so we met for a coffee at Jugiong which felt just a bit adventurous.  I love Jugiong, Jugiong Motor Inn is a great place to stay if you have a dog, one of those delightful old fashioned motels that still has the hole in the wall for breakfast deliveries, which, alas, they don't do anymore.  But they do have a courtyard with lights where you can sit with your evening meal and a glass of wine.  Then there is the Pantry and the St George Hotel, which also does coffee and has a delightful green courtyard.  

Didn't stay at Jugiong, instead headed for Suttons Forest where I stayed at Hillview Heritage Hotel. It was a rambly old place wth rather rustic cottages, I had one with my own spacious courtyard so Jac was very happy and she ate her food (miracle). It's government owned but leased out, apparently was the Vice Regal retreat whatever that means, and is a huge property with some amazing sculptures dotted around the place, reminded me a bit of Heide Gallery in Melbourne. Sat on one of the hills to get a glimpse of the sunset with a glass of Prosecco, as you do, while Jac sniffed furiously around because there were rabbit holes (and poo) everywhere. Luckily, given her propensity to kill them, none were around. I was careful to explain to people when I booked that I was travelling from Melbourne so they had a chance to say we don't want you with all your germs but no-one seemed to mind and apparently staying in a hotel is a low risk to both the stayer and the hotel.

 

It's been hard though watching events unfold in Melbourne.  I wait anxiously each day for the figures to be released and despair at the way in which people are so willing to pan the State Government for the actions they have taken.  It does seem something went wrong with hotel quarantine, but they had only 24 hours to organise it and contracting security firms is also a way of providing employment which is pretty important in these times.  Since being here I have realised that NSW also used security guards in the hotels, something you would not be aware of if you only saw the Victorian media or listened to the carping from the LNP opposition.   The lockdown of the towers was not handled well from a communication perspective, or from getting appropriate support in immediately, but it appears was entirely necessary to protect the residents and stop the spread of the virus.  It also appears the Govt did listen to the criticism and brought in the appropriate community agencies after the first days, but the distress for those people in the towers must have been significant, surrounded by police, not being allowed out, no access to fresh air as there are no balconies, how could they have been built that way?  The hope is that this will cause us all to look at the conditions in the high-rise towers and work to get rid of them.   Whatever way you look at it, dealing with the pandemic is a mammoth task and we must expect that the response will not always be perfect just as we must expect there will continue to be outbreaks until we have a vaccine.  However to get on my political soapbox, what Dan Andrews and his team have done is accept responsibility, institute an independent inquiry and admit they made mistakes.  

It's been good to get here and see Em and all the Newton Family including the doggos.  Em has been feeding magpies, seems like a bit of a family trait, Beci does whenever she gets the chance,  I also do at home and her father Ross, feeds King Parrots in his bush hideaway.  

It is strange to be here without Sean, his presence is everywhere, which I guess is good and bad.  Good because he is still celebrated and he lives on in some way but it's also a constant reminder of the loss and the gap he has left behind for everybody, but especially for Em.  

Elfi and Ferdi have settled down over the years, so there is not quite the constant sense of excitement there used to be when we arrived. The dogs now just circle quietly around each other and Jac is still eating,  no more hunger strikes so far this time, what a relief.  Have decided to get into the Victorian spirit and wear a mask when I go shopping after reading all the advice on it.  It does appear that it offers some protection no matter how badly you do it. It is amusing and slightly despairing to see people wearing masks under their chin or not covering their nose, seems a bit useless. 

Final note, test came back negative, less than 24 hours turnaround, so I will now allow myself to indulge in a coffee while I am out walking Jac and have planned a trip to Armidale to see a friend next week, which will also give Em a break from me so we don't end up getting aggravated with each other.