Camping with Jac on the way to Sydney

So the house was sold, we had the final inspection and I got to meet the new owners, a delightful young family. It was good to talk with them about the climbability of the fig tree, see their delight in the bloke's leadlight windows and imagine the backyard being used to it's full extent again.

Then I headed off to Sydney.  Found that my little Prius C was just a little tight with all the camping equipment so hired an SUV.  Thinking I might do a few camping trips over the next few years so might even invest in a bigger car so we can travel comfortably.

I was inspired to camp after the trip to the Kimberley I did last year with a group called Adventurous Women.   They promised tents that could be put up in 2 minutes and stretchers, so that made camping a desirable experience for me.  I bought a tent and a stretcher.  The tent I bought is called Dark Room from Anaconda and it is a bit like an inverted umbrella.  So easy to put up and take down and you can stand up in it.

First stop was Yackandandah Camping Ground, I didn't want too much of a wilderness experience for my first try and the main point of the trip was to visit Em in Sydney and friends in Canberra.  The camping ground was a peaceful little oasis right next to town.  Tent up, stretcher in place, table and chair out and wine opened.

I was the only camper, everyone else was in caravans or camper vans.  But my spot was right next to a creek that had the sweetest little swimming hole.

Rules generally in camping grounds are dogs on lead at all times, which Jac was not so excited about.  I let her off at the tent, but had her on the lead when we walked around. She just stays around, never runs away, did enjoy saying hello to a few other dogs.  5 minute walk to town and dinner at the pub, it was bloody hot, 41C, the saving grace was the water mister around the outside tables at the pub.  

Took Jac's bed so she didn't try to sleep on the stretcher, thought that might just be a little too crowded, and it all worked fine.  Had my little canister burner to make coffee in the morning and we headed off for another swim and the trip to Canberra where we stayed with Ol and family.  Jac remembered their place, went straight into the bedroom and lay down.  It was still around 40 so not a lot of movement though I did take her for a short walk around the track near their place.

Next day was just a bit cooler so headed straight to Sydney where it was a bearable 30 degrees.  The dogs are all used to each other now so it was fairly peaceful.  Took them for a swim at Tamarama beach then after a few nights headed back to Canberra where I stayed with Val this time in her newly bought house.  Jac and her little Charlie got on okay, mostly ignoring each other and circling around a very meaty bone.

On the way home stopped at the Beechworth Camping Ground.  Bit more out of town which was good.  Again next to a little creek.

Interesting being a woman travelling solo, albeit with dog.  Seems to attract the blokes who want to help.  Yackandandah I got the bloke who thought he would explain how much better a caravan, particularly one with a shower and a toilet, is than a tent.  Now I hate the idea of sleeping in the sae room as a toilet that relies on chemicals and having to empty the sludge.  I know its all remote, I know the chemicals don't smell all that much, but somehow the whole idea seems distasteful.  But no I was there to be convinced.  When he offered to show me his shower and toilet I though tit was time for a swim.  Then in Beechworth as I was laying my tent out, a bloke sauntered over and asked if I needed a hand.  By that time the tent was almost up anyway so I politely declined.  Well-meaning I suppose, but wonder if he would have done the same and I been another bloke?  Decided to cook in the camp kitchen and then I had a bloke actually step in front of me as I went to the barbecue saying that it was okay he would light it for me.  As it turned out he had problems lighting it so I ended up showing him how to do it.

I feel like having a t short made saying 'I am competent' or 'I can ask for help if I need it'.  despite all that I do love the camping.  Made easier by the easy to erect tent and the stretcher.  I sleep with all the 'windows' unzipped and open so when I wake up I see the bush around me.  Amazingly I sleep incredibly well in the tent.  Jac I think, is not quite so enamoured of the whole camping idea.  She is a bit too used her city comforts.  I gave her a bone to chew on and she left it.  When she came back it was covered in ants and she was so horrified she had to go and hide in the tent under the stretcher.

In between our camping we stayed in the far from camping experience at Ems.  I love Paddington, the windy streets, the beautiful old houses, the random street gardens., the street art

And so another trip under the belt.  Who knows where next but for the moment back to my now home on the Mornington Peninsula.

Creating a new space

I am in the process of selling the house that I lived in with the bloke for 38 years.  I am in the very fortunate position of having another house (with a mortgage) down on the Mornington Peninsula.  During his illness I hardly got down here, although his last request for an outing was to come here and sit on the back deck in the sun looking out over the Ti Tree.  Over the last twelve months i have been unable to spend much time down here because of all the travel I was doing.

But now I can see the potential of actually living down here.  I love the beach, whatever the weather.  I love that every time I see it, it is different.  Still and calm one day, stormy and rolling waves the next.  Blue skies then stormy clouds, sun glistening on the water on a hot day or the yellow of a sunset being reflected in the water and on the sand.  We have a dog beach near here, where dogs can be walked off leash.  Some days when the tide is out it has a wide sandy beach, other times when the tide is in and it is a bit stormy there is hardly any beach to walk on.

And then there is the garden.  Wild and overgrown from over a year of neglect.  Had to have some of the ti trees cut down because they were falling slowly.  I love the way ti trees fall, they tend not to have the drama of the crashing branches of gum trees, rather they start to lean, as if the challenge of remaining upright is just too much.  They lean into each other and form a crown of supporting braces all holding each other up.

Before some of that crown was removed there was not much light in the backyard so the grass did not grow.  Now it grows wildly, as if all that was hidden beneath the ground is suddenly celebrating freedom and dancing in the newly found sunlight.  I can appreciate the beautiful green and the waving blades of the grass, but there are snakes in that yard which the long grass can hide and I do want to walk through the yard on a cold morning without getting wet from the dew that settles on the grass leaves.

The beginning of the garden taming

The plan is a slightly wild garden, a small patch of green, a fire pit, an apple tree, a lemon tree and space for vegetables in amongst native plants and the occasional import like lavender.  I leave behind in Kew years of planting, a large paperbark which I have loved and has given us much pleasure, a fig tree that has largely fed the bats in the last few years but provided us with a beautiful shaded spot in the back part of the garden, a cumquat my dad planted, an apple and a plum tree.

My transition to the sea change has been slightly effected by two things.  The first is the process of selling.  It is a painful process, getting it ready, decluttering, a job done with the help of my two daughters who were excellent in saying no, you don't need this, no that looks messy there, so we finally have an uncluttered house that has new paint and new carpet in a few rooms.  And now the challenge is keeping it clean, so that it looks sparkling for the Open for Inspections which happen twice a week.  The second issue is I am standing as a candidate for Labor again, this time in the state elections, as the candidate for Kew a fairly safe Liberal seat.  However both of those activities require that I am in Melbourne a fair amount of time.

Traditional Christmas toasting of marshmallows in the back yard

Footnote,
the above was written in late October.  3 months later I have sold the house in Kew, Labor won the election in a landslide, I got a 6% swing against my opponent Tim Smith and I am now in the process of settling in to my sea change.  We did celebrate Christmas with the family in the sea shack, I did Frocktober to raise money for Ovarian Cancer Research and did an Instagram series of democracy dogs who came to the Early Polling Centre and waited patiently while their owners participated in the democratic process.

My favourite democracy dog, Arthur, one of Jag's mates waiting patiently

One more period of a few days to get everything moved out of the other house, a drive up to Sydney (with Jac of course) and then I'm back to my little cottage in a very urban part of the Mornington Peninsula. Just a 20 minute walk from the bay beach, 5 minute drive to what I think is the best ocean beach around with natural rock pools to swim in when the tide is out, and short drive to wineries and the beautiful hinterland.

Finding peace

A dog creates, transcribes, a new landscape for you.   Rick Bass, Colter: The True Story of the Best Dog I Ever Had

Jac does make travel different to travelling alone.  It means I am on the lookout for interesting places to walk and explore, where she can sniff and get excited about all the smells.  Where she can run ahead of me, nose to the ground with that happy tail waving in the air.  And that was the case even though this time I did the trip to Canberra in one day.  It was surprisingly easy.  Canberra accommodation was in a spacious townhouse: Cosy Duplex in Dickson. Great location opposite the Dickson shops, with a Woollies and so many restaurants, mainly Asian, so had a good dumpling dinner one night.  Accommodation was okay, basic facilities, good yard for Jac and comfortable bed.  

Jac behaved well as always, came into work with me which she loves, although on the Friday was a bit put out because we were joined by a retriever pup belonging to one of the team up there, so she was not the centre of attention.  From the unit, there was a good place to walk her along the canal, through an avenue of trees to a huge oval and a small lake area, all off leash.  It's getting cold and I was worried about how she would cope with the freezing temperatures in Canberra so did something I never thought I would do and bought her a coat.  

She actually seems to like it, and it made me feel better taking her out in the freezing morning to get rid of some of her energy before we went to work.

With the end of daylight saving, the sun is starting to set quite early so by the time we got back from work and went for a walk it was starting to get dark, that gave us the opportunity to enjoy the fading light and sunsets.  

Drove up to Sydney to see Em and go with her to hear Julia Gillard interviewed by Laura Tingle as part of the Sydney Writers Festival.  Julia was funny, thoughtful and so much more relaxed than when she was Prime Minister - wonder why?  Before that went with Em to Barangaroo for a craft market, and I loved Barangaroo, such a beautiful spot along the water with old buildings built against exposed rock walls.   I love the way we have discovered our waterways and make features of them.

 


















Had a happy experience in Sydney, had been walking Jac while Em and Sean were out and walking back near their house there is an Italian restaurant called Lucio's.  One of those good Italian places, beautiful fresh food and the owner and staff all speaking Italian.  Anyway they had a table outside and Lucio was out the front.  I asked if I could sit at the table and said I just fancied a salad and a glass of wine.  So had one of those classic Italian salads, rocket, radicchio, mozzarella, oil, olives and a glass of white wine.  Was so lovely, sitting in the sun, chatting to passers by and when I went in to pay he would not take my money.   There is good in the world.  

On the way back fancied a bit of nostalgia so stayed in Rutherglen, lovely little dog friendly cottage: Must Love Dogs.  Lovely courtyard, no kitchen, but comfortable bed, self contained with a small living room and absolutely one of the best baths I have had and a delightfully quirky shower.

Stopped at Morris winery then All Saints and stocked up on Muscat and Tokay which is apparently another name we may not be able to continue to use.  

Called in at home for a quick stop then off to Geelong for a 3 day workshop.  Booked what looked like a very quirky Prayag, unique experience in Geelong.  It's in an old paper mill, so along the river and has beautiful old buildings of stone and brick.  One of them is now a winery Provenance wines and there is also a cafe/gallery/music venue.  And so many walks - along fairy rock paths along the river to a big cleared area with lots of dog walkers and along the Moorabool River.  It was the most interesting Air BnB I have stayed at.  The unit itself had stunning rock walls, a coonara wood heater, and another little courtyard. It had an aura of peace, calm and creativity about it.

One of the river walks, the dam construction was for the Paper Mill

Winery

The rock walk

I had to leave Jac in the unit as I did not feel comfortable taking her into the workshop, but she managed, we walked for an hour each morning and again in the evening, on the last day I did ask if I could bring her in as we were checking out - and she was her usual well behaved self, just sitting by people and waiting for them to pat her.  The workshop itself was interesting, on what could have been a most boring topic of audits, but the trainer did a brilliant job at keeping us all on our toes, with lots of activities.  Did watch the budget coverage and Shorten's speech in reply which I thought was spot on.  Just wish they would agree to increase New Start and I would be happy.

Caught the ferry over to Sorrento and spent the night at Rye.  Had been a bit worried because the weather was stormy but it was fine, and Jac coped with the noises and swaying of the ferry okay.  Back home because my new lounge furniture was being delivered...   

This trip, even though I revisited an old haunt and went to All Saints and Morris wineries, I felt peace.  We went there first in the days when we would taste every wine from the sparkling to the ports and would be quite pissed after just a couple of wineries.  We'd lay on the banks of the Murray and sleep and we danced naked in the Chiltern Forest where we camped. That was before I went tasting with Val who showed me how to just focus on one wine like a shiraz and only taste that. 

I feel the circle is turning and I can see the past and appreciate it while I experience the present and be in this moment and find the joy in that.  The space away from Oswin St has allowed me to put things in perspective and avoid being so hurt by his family.  I feel incredibly fortunate that I have good friends who stand by me and allow me to vent about  every now and then, which also helps get it into perspective, but more on that next blog.

Travelling with Jac and Annie

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo—what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”  Oprah Winfrey

Oh dear what is happening when I start a blog with a quote from Oprah Winfrey?.  But this one seemed appropriate for this blog.  On my return from Canberra Jac and I were joined by a friend while going home from Canberra.  Annie and I have been friends since we worked together in a women's refuge back in the 80s.   Inspired by my road trips, Annie flew up so we could have a road trip home.  We've been friends for years but rarely holiday together.  We are very different, which is a good thing, we often argue but are united by feminism, by a  shared history starting with working together in a women's refuge, a love of grandchildren and a love of good food and wine, though Prosecco is our favourite tipple at the moment.  I've also done the same thing and flown over to Perth once so I could drive home across the Nullabor with her and Norm, we both share a love of road trips.  And she is a person who would take the bus with me when the limo breaks down - we handle adversity well and have fun with it.

After picking her up from the airport and a stop for fish and chips so I could show off my local Canberra knowledge by showing her Snapper on the shores of Lake Burley Griffin, we headed off to a farmstead at Coolac, just north of Cootamundra on the Olympic Way.  Beautiful spot, Wallendbeen Park Farm.  It's an organic farm with golden pigs, chooks bokboking around and the funniest little creatures - Guinea Fowl.  They like to stay together. They wander around as a group and every now and then one gets too caught up in scratching around, then they all call and the one left behind sticks its head up and comes running to join the fold.

Sat out on the decking in the dusk, ate our gourmet snacks, drank Prosecco and just enjoyed the peace and quiet, disturbed only by the occasional bok bok and the pigs grunting. 

I had booked for the Dartmouth Motor Inn, we travelled on the Olympic Way, going though Wagga Wagga and a swim in the Murrumbidgee at the Wagga Beach, again sand and deep water, although everyone said the river was low.  Caught up with a friend of my brothers, Beryl who has lived in that area for years who talked about how welcoming the community was of both refugees and international students.  When you travel through just a little part of the country you appreciate how much space there is and how much refugee communities could bring to small country towns if they were supported to go there. 

To continue the swimming theme had to stop at Albury to have a swim in the Murray, just at the spot where Annie and Norm had lived in a tent in their early years together.

Have to say that while the area around Dartmouth is absolutely beautiful, a dam that has more water than Lake Hume, forests and a beautiful river, the Motor Inn had seen better days and the food at the hotel was pretty tired and sad.  But did have a nice beer sitting out on the verandah at the motel and finished the night off with a Prosecco.  Next morning after Annie tried to set the place alight with the toaster which caught fire, we decided that the accommodation was not for us so thought we would just head home.  

However as John Steinbeck said

A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. 

On the way down the mountain we stopped at the Witches Garden (how could one not stop at a place with a name like that), which has accommodation and acres of green and lush gardens.  They told us it was market day in Mitta Mitta so of course we had to go there and found a little green piece of paradise.  The market was out the front of the pub which backed on to the Snowy Creek.  The pub was an old one that has been so well done up with huge old logs, soaring roof and a comfortable and rustic feel to it, with green lawns going down to the creek.  Found out later that my Mum had lost her bottom dentures in that river behind the pub about 60 years before, would have dived in and searched for them if I had known.  They dam the river up in summer to make a deep swimming hole behind the pub.  We stopped for a Beechworth Ale and fantasised about staying for a night but thought we'd have no chance of finding dog friendly accommodation last minute during Easter. I googled accommodation and found Wonjeena.  3 ks out of town on Scrubby Creek Road, a piece of 1960s history, with a resident historian who is the 3rd generation to live on the land there and full of stories about the place.  And they had a spot.  They had closed for bookings over Easter because Nevis, the historian was doing his bees, but he had finished the the day before so they had a self contained unit available.  Two delightfully friendly dogs for Jac to be disdainful of and a huge bull in the next door paddock, which luckily Jac decided to stay away from.  Decor straight from the 50s.

Time for a dip in the freezing cold waters of the Mitta River.  After a while the body acclimatised and  we could lie on the rocks with the water burbling around us - so relaxing.  Mind you we must have looked a sight, two old bags and a dog, both with shaky balance picking our way through the current and over the rocks, but it was worth it.  There were lots of fishing spots and peaceful and private little hidden holes in the bush to camp by the river with fireplaces set up.  If only I could still get up and down with ease I would seriously consider a tent.

After a good meal at the pub, with a very nice wine - unfortunately can't remember the name except it had Duck in it somewhere (and no, it was not Blue Duck for those that remember the 60s), we went back to our little bit of 50s paradise, sat under the stars again with a Prosecco before bed.  

We had a meandering trip home, stopping for Jac to have a walk in Benalla and a return visit to Morrisons winery near Glenrowan.  Their Tempranillo is perfect and unlike many wineries they charge reasonable prices.  As the winemaker explained he does not like to pay more than $20.00 for a good bottle so why should he expect anyone else to.

View from our lodging  at Mitta Mitta

I love the meandering, it's a different kind of travel than just going from one place to another purposefully. Taking the time to head off if something looks interesting or exploring a place that you've just driven past before, somehow opens the soul a bit to new experiences. While doing it on my own is fun,  it was also good for to travel with a friend, we always tend to have fun and lots of laughs (often at our own expense).  Our eating and drinking habits are very similar so that all works out quite well.  The experience is different because you share it and can enjoy the moments together.

Staying put with Jac

As noted in the last blog, Jac and me are in Canberra for an extended stay.  It's work related but we have an air b n b that is more or less dog friendly.  If the dog was a wanderer it would not work, but for me and Jack it's fine.

Jac doesn't wander, she likes to stay close to me and the car, so I don't need an enclosed yard.  I can just open the door here and she wanders over to the garden, has a pee or whatever and wanders back in.  Generally she finds a cosy spot under my feet or on the bed.  She likes to indulge herself.  Although, unlike me, food does not have to part of her indulgence.  She is the fussiest eater in the world.  So I cook chicken for her, sometimes with a bit of pasta, sometimes a bit of carrot or kale.  Although if I don't cut the carrot up into teeny tiny pieces she will take it out and leave it by her dish.  I like to think of her as a bit of a gourmet traveller.  But sometimes despite my dedicated cooking she still turns her nose up, walks away leaving the lumps of chicken lying forlornly in their dish.

Canberra is a much maligned place, and yes, in the past I have been a part of the maligner bunch.  But spending time here does mean it grows on you.  The place we are staying in is nothing short of weird.  the home of embassies, so huge houses with long long driveways, guard boxes, flags everywhere and Federal police permanently stationed at each end of the street.  Could be because we are across the road from the Iraq embassy, the Arab Emirates, Turkish and the Kuwait Embassy.  Sensitive I imagine.  Disconcerting though.  

Lots of walking, managed 5 kilometres the other day in between work and eating.  I got myself one of those doovylackers that counts steps and kilometres.  It's been interesting to see that I get caught up in wanting to achieve the target I have set, so it does encourage me to walk more.


Jac behaves very differently walking through the bush, constantly on alert, looking around her, testing every bush and stopping at every strange noise.  Going into her pointer pose when she spies kangaroos off in the distance.  There is a nature reserve across the road where we walk most days.  And it is the home of kangaroos, counted 24 once on one of our morning walks.  They are funny creatures, stopping to watch with their ears cocked when we walk past, hopping slowly away if we get too close.  Also the home of snakes - two people have told me about their dogs discovering snakes in their backyard recently, one where her two dogs played tug of war with the snake and tore it in half, then the head half reared up ready to attack.  freaky freaky..... So I worry about her going off too much into the bush and I am hyper vigilant about snakes with her around but, touch wood, no threat of them yet.


Speaking of eating - weren't you?  Snapper in Yarralumla, fish and chips and wine or beer by the shores of the lake.  Not just dog friendly but dog welcoming.  As are most places here, very dog friendly city, all the ovals are off leash areas and very few signs around saying no dogs.  

What adds to the enjoyment of Canberra is having friends here, Ol who used to work with and her delightful family, who are always so welcoming and who look after Jac on the days when I can't take her to work with me.  Although when I drop her off it feels a bit like taking a child to childcare, I get a bit peeved when she wanders in happily and doesn't sulk when I leave.  We went together to a perfect river swimming spot less than 30 minutes away Uriana - sandy beaches, trees, green grass, shallow water and then deep swimming hole.  Heaven.  Dogs everywhere, noses up bums, Jack gets a bit touchy if that goes on too long and will give a 'excuse me did I give you permission to stick your nose there' snap if they spend too long on the sniff.  Pete drove us up to the Mt Stromlo Observatory, great views and would love to do one of the night star spotting tours, next time ...

I was lucky enough to be here for the Hot air Ballon festival and doubly lucky that the morning I decided to get up at dawn so I could watch them launch was a good weather day.  They are tetchy things these hot air balloons and won't take off if it's too windy, raining or the sky doesn't look right.  But I picked the right day.  There were around 30 balloons and it was quite magical, blowing them up with the hot air and watching them silently taking off with just that occasional whoosh whoosh as the flame goes up.

My favourite balloon

And the 'tree library' as Ol's daughter described the Arboretum.  Whenever I see old trees, particularly slow growing ones I think what foresight the people had who planted them, often knowing they would never live to enjoy the full splendour, to rest in the shade of branches that spread out or marvel at the height and width.  The Arboretum was established after the last Canberra fires and aims to have trees from all over the world.  It was windy and blustery the day we went up there but we sheltered in a grove of old cedars. I think it's the Swedish who talk about the health benefits of forest bathing and it is so true.  Time spent wandering through tall trees or even the rugged bush that you find in a lot of the nature reserves here is good for the soul.

The other good part about Canberra, for me anyway,  is Parliament.  As a good Labor supporter and, of course, a feminist, I was delighted when my time here coincided with an Emily's List function with Tanya Plibersek.  So Ol and I went along, I had to join a huge long queue to get through security, then we had to wait to be picked up to be taken to the Labor Senate Caucus room.  Seemed appropriate it was the same day that Christine Keneally made her first speech.  Ged Kearney put in an appearance and I felt incredibly proud to be part of a party that has now almost 50% representation of women in the lower house and 67% in the Senate.  And what good women - Ann Ali, Tanya of course, now Ged, Penny Wong, Linda Burney, the list goes on and on. 

Joined in the refugee rally as well.  Was quite impressed with how it was organised, with the different groups gathering together, then marching individually to the square and being announced and applauded as they arrived.  Not like the rabble in Melbourne.  No Grandmothers Against the Detention of Refugee Children so we joined the Labor Left but then saw my favourite banner - The Vintage Reds which would have been much more fitting.

Em and Sean were in Canberra as well fleetingly so had a catch up with them and Joe which was good.  So it was a pleasant way to spend a few weeks and I can understand the appeal of Canberra.  But a long way from home and the grandkids.  

Canberra, lake swimming and casual eating

Next day headed to Canberra for work, but was very tired.  Had booked in again at The Annexe.  Dealing with the funeral did bring back a lot of stuff for me, so it was good to arrive somewhere quiet, familiar and safe, allowing time to think and integrate my feelings so I could go to work happily.   

Canberra was sooo hot, close to 40 each day.  But The Annexe is a lovely green oasis that is shaded and cool.  Nothing like a green lawn and large shady trees to help you cope with the heat.  It is opposite a chain of ovals and parklands so I walked Jac in the morning before work while it was still cool, through ovals and shaded walking paths.   She got to run with a few dogs so she was happy and no rabbits for her to kill so I was happy.

Part of our early morning walks

We were close to the Manuka shops so tried out a few different cafes for dinner and one night went to the very strange Kingston Portside area.  Strange because one doesn't expect to sit by the water to eat in Canberra with boats going by.  Strange also because it is surrounded by blocks and blocks of new apartments.  Jac wasn't impressed, didn't like walking along the water at all, but we did sit and have dinner.   One evening we drove up to Red Hill lookout which has a perfect place to watch the sunset, looking out over the Great Dividing range.  We saw a few kangaroos (maybe wallabies) which seemed to mesmerise Jac, but luckily she made no attempt to chase them.

View from Red Hill Lookout

Friday I had some disturbing news which shook me a bit, about people delving into mine and Erwin's background, for what purpose I don't know, but it made me feel somewhat vulnerable.  And it was hot.  After debriefing with my ever present friend Annie, who deals with my angst constantly and along with some of my other friends, helps me put things in perspective,  I was still quite shaken.  Thank goodness for good friends and my two delightful daughters and their families who help keep me sane.  Wonder what people do who don't have that support when they are dealing  with behaviour that seems quite crazy and inexplicable.  While, on the one hand I can se it as completely bizarre and weird, on the other hand, because it is so personal and intrusive,  I can see how it would cause you to unravel .  However I plan to stay quite ravelled, with a little help from my friends.

I had planned to go into work but decided I needed some space so I could do the phone meetings I had while sitting by the lake. Went to a very dog friendly spot on Lake Burley Griffin, set up my folding chair under the shade of a weeping willow tree and sat and worked looking out on the lake.  I even braved a swim in the Lake, there is a particular spot in Yarralumla set up for swimming with diving/jumping platforms.  It was a perfect day and I felt refreshed and energised.

View from my office for the day

On the weekend we moved in with a friend Ol, who I had worked with for a number of years and who has moved to Canberra.  She is a gentle but strong soul with an equally gentle husband and a beautiful garden, where I always feel so comfortable.  Luckily Jac gets on well with her delightful little dog, Clancy, which means they simply walk around each other and largely ignore each other.  Clancy is the funniest little dog who talks when he wants to be fed.  Canberra for me previously has been a bit of a rushed trip where I have occasionally managed to get to the gallery or Parliament House.  It was lovely to explore the place with Ol, going to the Portrait Gallery - stunning, and the Library which had a most amazing and moving photo exhibition by Peter Dombrovski who took the iconic photo that helped motivate people to save the Franklin River.  It reminded me how important  it is for your health to immerse yourself in nature, and I realised that, to some extent, that's what I have been doing.

Jac in Lake Burley Griffin

Life felt a little normal when I met up with one of Erwin's grandchildren and went for a walk with her and her husband around the lake.  I had a relationship with all of Erwin's children over 40 years, visiting them and having them stay at our house, it's been strange to lose contact with them since Erwin died.  I felt they were part of our lives over such a long time and meeting up with the granddaughter helped me continue that connection.  

While I enjoy travelling alone, spending time with Ol was lovely and exploring places to walk and eat.  The highlight for me was the Southern Cross Yacht Club on the lake at Yarralumla where one can buy fish and chips and wine and sit to eat by the lake.  Perfect place for dogs, children and older women like us.  It was dusk and there were bats flying overhead, and resting in the trees above us, which created some alert about bats urinating on our food.  While I was with the granddaughter we did have a magpie who dropped a pooh in her water....  Sure that's a sign of good fortune.  Have to admit this time I loved Canberra, as well as swimming in the lake and exploring with Ol, finding the walking tracks behind Ol's house was another blessing.  Can walk up onto a ridge with a view of the mountains and walk for kilometres through bush.  I walked 4 ks one day without even realising it.

So ever onward and making myself look forward to what life can offer in the future and try to remove myself from the craziness of others.  Next blog is about our return trip via Falls Creek where we spent many years skiing in winter and walking the High Plains in summer.

Going home

On the return trip I was feeling good, the trip had been a good combination of family and friends and alone time.  After working in Canberra I stayed the night at Hillview Farmstay not long past Gundagai.  No river, no black lab this time but a good sized swimming pool.    Lots of llamas and sheep and self contained cabins, the dog friendly part of the accommodation. I was in the Lodge, which had rooms with balconies off a communal kitchen and lounge area and was not designated as dog friendly.  The compromise to allow Jac inside was to provide a dog portacot.  I was a bit sceptical, but once I lifted her into the portacot she curled up quite happily and slept all night.   There were families with young kids who made a fuss of Jac which she is always partial to, and lots of relaxed conversation.  One of the families suggested that Avenel was a good place to stop in on the drive home.    

The challenge on the drive home was that I did not want to go home, for the first time in 37 years, I did not want to walk back in the door at Oswin St.  All sorts of reasons I guess, reminds me of the absence of the bloke but the house now does not feel like mine, it does not feel like home.

I took 8 hours to drive just over 400 ks.  Turned off the highway to Yackandandah, stopped at Beechworth for a swim, stopped for lunch at a place we had passed many times but never stopped at, The Plough Inn near Beechworth.  Green courtyard, good food.  Conversations about rescue dogs. Took another detour via Taminick  to a winery - Morrisons. I was actually looking for Taminick cellars where Erwin and I often stopped but couldn't find it.  This was up in the hills via a windy bush track and a good view over the mountains, in winter they can see the snow on Mt Bogong.   Which, given the number of times - would have to be close to 100, that me and the bloke did the trip up to Falls Creek, made me a bit nostalgic.  This time it was seeing the mountains from a different perspective.  It reminded me of the sense of excitement and anticipation when we were on the road to Mt Beauty and got the first glimpse of the snow on Bogong during winter.   I did turn off at Avenel, where I discovered the most beautiful old stone bridge and a great walk for the dog through flood plains with big old river gums, that was just new, no old.  

Stone bridge at Avenue

Since he died, I have been a bit disappointed in the bloke,  and upset at the behaviour of some of the people around him.  I have had moments of being angry with him and thinking he was a bit of a selfish bastard. The travelling has allowed me to remember the good times we had together over the years. Our shared love of views, bush and mountains.  Of the fun we had together.  Of the time we went camping in the Chiltern Forest and because we were quite alone, after a day of wine tasting, did a romp through the forest completely naked.  It was good to remember our times in the mountains, on our own and with Bec and Em and our friends, with walks in the High Plains, me swimming in the freezing cold Rocky Valley Dam, our failed attempt at fishing with the kids where we ended up throwing the worms into the dam because none of us could bring ourselves to put them on the hook and endless games of 500 which somehow Bec and Erwin always won.  And of course the skiing/snowboarding.  The trips we did in the summer holidays, up the Hume and the Newell Highways to Nmbngee in the bloke's old Toyota, no air conditioning. We stopped at country swimming pools to cool down.  We'd visit Dina, Bob and the kids in the hippy commune, swimming in the creek, going on bush walks eating the occasional hash cookie.   Then the contrast on the way home of stopping in Abe and Annettes high rise apartment at the Gold Coast.  

It was good to remember that there were many ways in which we complemented each other, supported each other and that our relationship was mostly good for both of us.  Travelling with the dog gives some companionship but also gives me the space to feel sad, to feel the loss, to work through the anger, and to recognise and explore new opportunities that are there for me. It gives the space to work out how to incorporate the life we had together  and the memories of that into a new way of living.  It's helped me realise that a house can be just that, a building, nothing more.   The memories and the connections are not in a house but in me and all the other people who knew him and loved and occasionally did not love him.  

Saying goodbye to the old and trying out the new

This trip is about doing things a little differently.  One of my cousins said doing things differently to how they have done before, is a sign of respect to those we have lost.  So I have respected the bloke by sharing Christmas with Em in Sydney instead of under the ti trees at Rye. One of our New Year traditions for many years was to watch the sunset at Mt Mckay in Falls Creek.  The different shades of blue and grey over the never-ending mountain ranges was magical and was a perfect way to see out the year.  I didn't go back to Falls Creek.  However I felt an urge to revisit the sunset over the mountains, so went to Jindabyne in the Snowy Mountains area.  Different, we had passed through years ago but never stopped there.  So a sense of looking back to a time we shared and a tradition we both loved but in a place newly discovered.

Two stand outs from the Sydney to Jindabyne trip was the Elling Forest winery and Grandmas Cafe.  The winery is a perfect dog stop, abut an hour out of Sydney, has a little pond with large ducks, lots of space to wander around, a cafe and wine tasting - what else could a woman and her dog ask for?  The bloke offering the tasting had a rescue dog himself and we had a good chat about dogs and breeds as well as tasting some good whites - that were bio dynamic which must be good for you.  Grandma's cafe on the road into Canberra was notable for very different reasons.  Looked lovely, good outside area looking over the Olive Groves, but as we were walking up to the tables a gun went off, which completely freaked Jac out - she gets skittish when men are playing soccer in the park with the whistles and yelling.  She settled down enough for me to go in and order but then the gun went off again and again she freaked out - the waitress explained it was an air gun and was set to go off intermittently.  I drank the coffee quickly and i have never seen Jac so keen to get into the car.  The gun went off again as we were leaving and she jumped over into he front seat and then got down into the gap between the front seat and the engine.  Took her a while to stop trembling and move back to her seat in the back.

The Air BnB in East Jindabyne was advertised as  Motel Style Accommodation.  Another case of not making judgements too soon, walked into the room and was struck by it's 'compactness' just enough room for a bed, a chair and a small fridge, with a very compact bathroom, cosy definitely.  But large windows and another door opening out on to a balcony where I could take a deep breath and look out over Lake Jindabyne. 

Yep, that's the view from the balcony

Then a common area with a touch I loved - a stove top espresso maker, none of those incredibly environmentally unfriendly capsules.  Would be very cosy in winter if going up for the snow.  Explored East Jindabyne following a sign saying public lake access, leading to a drivable track which followed the lake around to a sandy beach, with people and dogs. Jac had her up to the tummy paddle and waited patiently at the shoreline while I swam out.  

Next day was New Years Eve. Went to the Tourist Information place to ask about off leash bush type walks.  The very helpful (not) person, first told me about an on leash area, but when I said I wanted off leash, told me about two walks; one from Claypits and one from Cobbin Cres but said firstly that there'd be lots of boats and people at Claypits, then  wouldn't recommend the Cobbin Cres walk to the damn wall because of the number of cyclists, and watch out for snakes.  First went to Claypits, walked about 2 ks, although you can drive a bit further and come out at the sailing club where I finished up.  It was quiet and peaceful. Jac paddled, I swam in beautiful clear water accessed from another sandy beach area, then sat on the rocks in the sun.  The peace was broken when a couple of cars pulled up and out came: two dogs, a never ending supply of rubber sailing things, a marquee, a dozen folding chairs, several ESKYs and a mob of people.  I left when they turned on the motor to blow up all the rubber things and walked back to Claypits.  

One of the challenges with shopping when you travel wiht a dog is what to do with the dog.  I get a little nervous tying her up outside a supermarket because as you might have picked up she reacts badly to different noises.  It was early enough before the heat kicked in, so I parked in the shade put the windows half down and tackled the supermarket.  She didn't seem too worried and I had the security of knowing she could not get out of the car.   Tried the Cobbin Cres walk, follows the lake edge through variety of vegetation, open areas and bush.  Yes there were cyclists, over the 3 ks we came across at least 4.  However, unlike in the city where there is not a lot of tolerance on shared paths, here there was quite an acceptance that it was a shared path and no one complained, they thanked me if I heard them and got Jac off the path and one who had to dodge around her actually said - 'well the dog's got as much right to be here as I have'.  It had warmed up by then, Jac doesn't like the heat and kept making for shady spots where she would wait for me to catch up.  The walk is a return along the same track and ending up back at the beach area and this time Jac actually swam so she must have felt a bit hot.  The good thing about that was that it actually cleaned her, unlike being in the beach, so did throw her in for another paddle to help with that process and then we sat on the rocks in the sun again for a while.  

New Years Eve, a salad on the balcony, a few chats with the other stayers at the Motel Style Accommodation, including lovely young woman who spent her New Years Eve doing the 18k walk up Mt Kozsiusko.  And I felt good about walking 6ks on a mostly flat track!   Anyway found a place just above the accommodation which was a perfect sunset watching spot and went up there with Jac, a candle and a piccolo of Prosecco. A passing dog walker explained that the strange stone circle was the left over of a house that had been burnt out.  Jac thought I was a little crazy and just sat quietly by the car while I lit the candle and drank the Prosecco, sang a few songs, off key, of course and watched the sun set over the mountains.  And that was the end of our 2017.  I was glad I was on my own as it allowed me to give in to being a little maudlin and talked to the bloke, asking him why he did what he did. I was comforted by running texts from Em about their New Years with Bec and the boys.  It felt right, a bit sad, a bit marking the change in years, the loss of the bloke, the change in my life and the journey in front of me.  One of the things i had done in Sydney was to catch up with one of Erwin's sons and his wife and that seemed so right, being able to reminisce, share our memories and hear what was happening with them, gave me a sense of holding on to the connections we had while still looking to a different way of living.  

Trip to Canberra included another encounter with an animal - an echidna this time which Jac was quite wary of.  

An Air BnB in Canberra, Luxury Garden Studio, which it was.  In Red Hill, lots of green, large house, large blocks.  Beautifully self contained and thoughtful touches everywhere, from the crockery, to the furnishings, the bathroom with walk in shower and the private deck with table and chairs.  Jac was at home straight away and not even keen to walk in the park across the road.  Wouldn't recommend though if dog was a wanderer, Jac's not - she likes to stay close by, the yard was not secured, so okay for us but not for all.  Good base to go to work from, Jac is so good coming to work with me, sits quietly under the desk except when there is someone who wants to pat her.  Then the trip home.